I just finished watching this video and had to write about it. I've had an experience this week. No, many experiences this week with several different men, and then to end my week with this video is like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
I've been struggling with my continual pattern of attracting unavailable men. And after watching this video I'm really understanding that the reason is because I'm the one that's been unavailable. Whew! Watching David show how a man can open up a woman and how that feels to her is... I have no words for it. I know that's what I want to be.
He says there are three stages of desiring a man in a woman's life:
1. I need a man.
2. I don't need a man.
3. A man opens me more than I can open myself to God. I don't need a man. I can take care of myself but myself isn't good enough anymore. I want to be wide open, and I find a certain man opens me wide without boundaries and often more consistently than I can do on my own.
This third phase is when a woman aches to be taken, to be ravaged and opened to God. Oh sweet baby jesus!
I remember a night when lying on top of a magnificent man just staring into each other's eyes, that soft yearning to be so close you could melt into each other, and he said to me, "I want to ravage you all night." There wasn't a single cell in my body that didn't jump to attention at that point. I could feel my heart open so widely that I would have given him anything. Absolutely anything.
It's that openness that David's talking about. That wide openness that we don't share with the world because we're so scared of being hurt. I just mentioned that to a friend yesterday when she asked me why I chose to be unavailable. I was scared spitless. I was scared to open my heart and keep it open. What would others think? What words would be said to me? What men would flee?
And then, I got angry. I intentionally tried to scare men off in the beginning of the relationships because I didn't want to invest in them if they weren't going to have staying power. The truth is that everything I invest in alters me more than anyone else. Who was I trying to kid? I want it all so I must show up as me. I must become available with a hugely open heart, arms spread wide, and not caring what anyone else thinks. How can I possibly get what I so greatly desire if I can't be it? Watching this video made me see what it is I want. Completely. Totally. And I want it now. I choose to be available. I choose to be vulnerable. I choose to be open and loving and real with a man that offers me love so openly that we take each other deeper and deeper.
There is no greater gift we can be to another or to ourselves.
I've been told you have a link to this blog and read it regularly and sometimes with great trepidation because I do not have a pause button. I blurt out whatever's on my mind, and therefore, I want to apologize in advance if there is anything ever written in my posts that could possibly embarrass you.
Know that I write so much about Square Burger because I think the world of your son and the amazing things he's accomplished. I thank you for the magnificent job you've done with him. He's funny, intelligent, and truly the nicest person I know. He's created an atmosphere here in this community that is beyond compare. It makes Cheers seem like a hostile bar in Boston. His employees are welcoming, friendly, and so attentive, and they all speak very highly of your son as an employer. That says a lot.
And Wednesday night when I came in just to tell everyone good night, Brandon pulls out a bar stool, pours me a glass of my favorite beer and sits down with me. It's a place I easily call home, and everyone in it my family.
Thank you for doing such an amazing job raising an impeccable man.
You'd think I'd have Square Burger's menu memorized by now, but most of the time I don't even get one. I just belly up to the bar and food appears, so I'm not real sure what the name of this one is but it has the word Border in it. You can tell I gnawed on the fried pickle before doing anything else. Square Burger serves the best crack on the planet. It just comes in different forms depending on what you order. There's the fried pickles, sweet potato fries, the oh-my-sweet-baby-jesus popcorn served only at the bar to name just a few.
My daughter, Alyssa, was getting a massage when my friend, Kara, and I were having dinner. Since I don't normally eat a whole burger, I told Alyssa before leaving the spa that I would save her some of it. I tried.
This is what it looked like just before the plate was empty.
And here's Kara's banana something dessert. I've had it before, and oh my god, something like this needs to come with a warning label to make sure you have a change of clothes and a cigarette when you're done.
And right now, my friends, is when the change of clothes comes in handy because this is when you're sweaty, breathing heavily, and reaching for the cigarette.
And then, after the cigarette and fresh clothing, enjoy a freshly brewed cup of coffee with shots of espresso, and god only knows what else Marly puts in it. Truly the best way to end a magnificent day!
The best fried pickles on the planet are at Square Burger. The hand in the picture belongs to a beautiful young woman named Amy. I took a picture of her, but you can't see her at all. So, Amy, at least your hand and your pickle made it to the web. Her friend, Mike, called the pickles sticks of dynamite.
And here's Mike demonstrating the proper way to eat one of those pickles. If you can't see it, it's because it's eaten.
Amy, Mike, and Seth were from Dallas, I believe. I was on my second glass of wine by the time they bellied up to the bar, so I'm thinking that's what they told me. The bar has two love stools on the end, large enough for three women per stool, according to the men from Square Burger. We obliged them last night.
The only thing I can see in this picture is my own white shirt, but here are six of us cuddled up together. Marly was hoping for a pillow fight. He wanted us to discuss it in detail in front of him. I'm not sure why that's such a male fantasy because I don't think I've ever been in a pillow fight.
That's Marly and Lauren. You can tell when I first arrived at Square Burger because it was still light outside. The pictures where you can't see squat are the ones taken after dark. One of these days I am going to locate the flash on my phone...
Also, notice the popcorn in front of Lauren. That's Square Burger's form of crack. I don't care how low my appetite is, when I see that popcorn I can't stop eating. Kym, Marly, and Lauren will attest to that one.
Here's another drug of choice from Square Burger -- Marly's coffee. Oh my god! I don't know what he puts in it, but it's the best coffee I've ever had, and believe me I've had PLENTY! Brandon told me it was made by Clay Island, and the brand was Sumatra. Don't know if the spelling's correct, but just to let you know that after just a few sips I could leap tall buildings in a single bound.
Here's Alyssa's special dinner that Gnoc and Craig fixed for her. Salmon burger patty topped with fillet of smoked salmon and salmon caviar with a side of green salad tower, tomatoes, pita bread, le jardine cheese, and creamy dill sauce. AND, it was a major slice of heaven!
Gnoc also made us her unbelievable cinnamon and sugar fritters again. This time she made a chocolate and citrus ganache with homemade whipped cream. I'm holding the plate in the picture above, and just looking at it right now makes my mouth water and my heart beat faster. Craig and Gnoc, thank you both so much for treating us so well and making us feel so amazingly special. Your food is beyond compare.
Last night was not the easiest night of my life, and Brandon, Craig, and Gnoc made it so memorable with their kindness and their fabulous food. I really am so grateful to them for not only opening Square Burger, but placing it directly between my studio and the spa. Not only are they three of the most talented people on earth, but also the nicest. What a privilege to call them family.
I ran into Maggie while having lunch with my daughter at Spoon's today. Well, she was eating. I was drinking water. My appetite hasn't been so profound so far today. Hm, non-existent really.
Maggie is not only a friend of mine, but she gave me facials that have been life-altering, so I want to tell you about her and what amazing work she does. She gave me a list of her services so that I can pass them on to you, and here they are:
I recommend that you call for an appointment. Her office is located on the west side of central though. She's not on the square, so those of you who venture off the square it's not a problem at all.
And she's one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. Go enjoy a facial and relax. Who doesn't deserve something as wonderful as that?
I spent my morning working on the website for the spa, finally including my page. Not that I'm done, but I'm getting closer. If you click on "Our Healers" and then click onto my name, you'll see what I've been up to lately.
Then the afternoon was spent in meetings, energy sessions, and lastly yoga. The funny thing was that in my last energy session, I saw myself drinking a glass of white wine at Square Burger at the bar. It must be a sign I had to pay attention to, so I did.
After yoga, I walked the few yards it took me to get to my very own slice of Mecca called Square Burger. The first person I saw was Gnoc who told me about the new item they're adding to the menu. Ready to hear about it, boys and girls, 'cause it's going to knock your socks off! Drum roll please!
Cinnamon and sugar fritters. OH MY GOD!! I got a sampling that was so wonderful it could make me easily play on the other team. I fell in love with her. Her food is hypnotic, sensual, and forever imbedded in my mind. These fritters melted in my mouth. They came with a caramel sauce made in house that made me cream my jeans. Sweet jesus! was this the best. I don't know when the fritters will hit the menu, but I'm just sayin' if you love amazing food and the best people in the world, then Square Burger is the place to go.
Last Friday night we were beginning our Saturday morning at Square Burger. Craig and Gnoc made us the best ribs on the planet, amazing apple slaw, and oh-my-god sweet potato fries. I'm going to have to bring in my camera to take pictures at night where you can really see the food.
When I was flipping through my pictures I discovered that most of them are taken at Square Burger, and before June 14th when they opened, I saw pictures of a totally different life. It was so much less fun, and at the time I didn't think that was possible at all. Having Square Burger in my life now has been one of the biggest blessings because of the people who own it and those who work there. The food's incredible, but the people make it home. Gnoc, Craig, and Brandon are the best gifts McKinney has. Not only are they knowledgeable about food, but the love and passion they have for it is unlike what I've ever seen before.
Brandon eyed my plate of fried apple pie today and proceeded to tell me how he knew what it tasted like by what he saw, the flecks of vanilla bean in the ice cream, the cut of the apples, the flakiness of the crust... It was the most sensual experience I've ever had with food. I needed a cigarette by the time he was done.
He talked about the gases in the beer on tap as if he was describing the most tantalizingly delicious mouth-watering experience I could think of. I'm not going to even try to tell you what he said because as far as the contents of the gas goes, he lost me at hello, but watching his face as he talked, I was lost in his love for what he does. It was so beautiful to see. To me, there's nothing so wildly gorgeous as someone doing what they love and drowning in the ecstasy of how it makes them feel.
I am a firm believer in loving what I do. I've spent most of my life abhorring how I spent my work days, so to be able now to lose myself in my studio or at the spa is luxuriously delicious. It cranks me. It juices me. It makes me love more. Just when I think I reach the pinnacle of how good I can feel, it gets even better. To surround myself with those that do the same absolutely creams my jeans. (Brandon, I just can't think of a better way to say it. )
Since I work with energy, I'm more sensitive to it than most, and I feel the love and passion not only in the restaurant, but I taste it in the food and beer. It's an experience my mouth will never forget.
I take pictures with my phone that has no flash, so when the pictures turn out dark... Well, let's just say my real camera was back at the spa across the street from Square Burger, and how could I possibly take that little jaunt when the best chef ever came out of the kitchen long enough to have a conversation with me? I've been eating Craig's food since June 14th, and there's nothing like it. He told me tonight the items he's wanting to add to the menu, and they'll make vegetarians very happy. Hell, they make me happy, and I love meat! Love, love, love meat in oh so many ways... Oops, that's another story.
This is Emily. She turned 17 today. I wish I had had my real camera for this picture because she had bought this dress with her first paycheck ever, and she looked so great. This was taken a few nights ago, so she was still 16 here. You'll have to stop in at Square Burger and see her now. At 17 she's so much older looking.
Here's the cake Emily's parents got for her from Mozart Bakery. I assumed something that magnificent came from the pastry chef, Gnoc, because what she makes is truly phenomenal. You won't ever see a picture of Gnoc. She almost dropped the cake and ran when she saw the phone pointed in her vicinity. So, when you stop in for a great meal, please ask to see Gnoc. Her salads and desserts are outstanding also. And, the only way you'll ever know what she looks like is to see her in person. There sure won't be any pictures of her in my blog unless I catch her napping, and as busy as Square Burger is, I doubt if she'd ever have time for that.
Thank you to everyone at Square Burger. It's my second home, my pass through between the studio and the spa, the place where everyone knows my name, and especially where I feel the love. I know Craig and Brandon have waited years for Square Burger to open, but I have waited all my life.
Tonight was another Square Burger night with friends. And one of the best reasons ever to go to Square Burger is Alex (as shown in picture). He's the best dancer there, and I mean that because he's the ONLY one who's danced with me. C'mon, how can you not dance to Stevie Nicks? Alex can shake his booty better than most, I might add.
Tonight he was our bartender extraordinaire, and that's not always easy with the crowd I hang with. So, thank you, Alex. And, thank you, Tim, for the glass of wine and appetizers. What a great pleasure it is to have you around every now and then!
Do you know how very happy I am to have Square Burger on the block? I have another client at 11 tonight, but I'm able to walk a few steps to Square Burger, join my friends and the amazing staff there, and get back in time to keep writing and working. What a pleasure to have them here. I've told the owners before, but now I'm proclaiming this on the web:
I'VE WAITED ALL MY LIFE FOR SQUARE BURGER!
It's almost time for my client, but already I look forward to tomorrow -- another day with friends at Square Burger. Life is oh so good...
It's never pretty leaving the square, but sometimes it's essential. This morning presented one of those times. Tammy Davis and I had to trek to Fort Worth and while waiting to meet someone, we stopped in a restaurant that wasn't a chain. We hiked ourselves up to the bar and this is what was looking back at us. Tough to order ham or bacon with this bad boy eyeballing us.
So, I got myself real busy getting to work and drinking waaay too much coffee. Our bartender let us know his name was Jebaaz Jenkins, and he kept that caffeine coming. Even though Wilbur was an awesome assistant and a bit of a heavy Coke drinker, I was more than happy to get back to Oz. After picking up my friend's cothing and ruby slippers at someone's home, we headed back east and let the yellow brick road take us back home.
The first place to go after a long morning escaping the wicked witch of the west and her cohorts is Square Burger on the square in McKinney. Once we passed 35 on 121 we passed the poppies, narrowly missed the flying monkeys, and saw Oz in the background. We could already taste the turkey burger and fried pickle. Just the image of a full plate at the bar kept us going through traffic and radar traps.
After my fabulous turkey burger and fried pickle, Ngoc brought me the best popcorn in the world. It's cooked in duck fat and flavored with Parmesan and rosemary.
Marley kept my water glass full and loaded with lemons, and the time spent outside of Oz disappeared from memory.
And of course, Oz wouldn't be Oz without the wizard behind the bar, Brandon Horrocks, one of the owners. Not only am I thrilled to be back in McKinney, but I'm so grateful to all those responsible for the best place in the world to hike a leg up at the bar and hang with the best people on the planet.