Saturday, July 31, 2010

David Deida - Spirit Sex Love - Part 3 of 12

I just finished watching this video and had to write about it. I've had an experience this week. No, many experiences this week with several different men, and then to end my week with this video is like finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

I've been struggling with my continual pattern of attracting unavailable men. And after watching this video I'm really understanding that the reason is because I'm the one that's been unavailable. Whew! Watching David show how a man can open up a woman and how that feels to her is... I have no words for it. I know that's what I want to be.

He says there are three stages of desiring a man in a woman's life:
1. I need a man.
2. I don't need a man.
3. A man opens me more than I can open myself to God. I don't need a man. I can take care of myself but myself isn't good enough anymore. I want to be wide open, and I find a certain man opens me wide without boundaries and often more consistently than I can do on my own.

This third phase is when a woman aches to be taken, to be ravaged and opened to God. Oh sweet baby jesus!

I remember a night when lying on top of a magnificent man just staring into each other's eyes, that soft yearning to be so close you could melt into each other, and he said to me, "I want to ravage you all night." There wasn't a single cell in my body that didn't jump to attention at that point. I could feel my heart open so widely that I would have given him anything. Absolutely anything.

It's that openness that David's talking about. That wide openness that we don't share with the world because we're so scared of being hurt. I just mentioned that to a friend yesterday when she asked me why I chose to be unavailable. I was scared spitless. I was scared to open my heart and keep it open. What would others think? What words would be said to me? What men would flee?

And then, I got angry. I intentionally tried to scare men off in the beginning of the relationships because I didn't want to invest in them if they weren't going to have staying power. The truth is that everything I invest in alters me more than anyone else. Who was I trying to kid? I want it all so I must show up as me. I must become available with a hugely open heart, arms spread wide, and not caring what anyone else thinks. How can I possibly get what I so greatly desire if I can't be it? Watching this video made me see what it is I want. Completely. Totally. And I want it now. I choose to be available. I choose to be vulnerable. I choose to be open and loving and real with a man that offers me love so openly that we take each other deeper and deeper.

There is no greater gift we can be to another or to ourselves.

So, let the ravaging begin...

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